Grocery Shopping Guilt

Have you ever had those days when you just need to do some grocery shopping. You are armed with a list and you are on a mission. I was in this mood today, and today happened to be the day when there seemed to be a lot of activity at the grocery store. As I walked into the door the guilt immediately set in when I had to turn down a group of boy scouts who were selling popcorn. Sorry, kids, I already have popcorn at home. This also happened to be a day when they were giving out a lot of free samples. Normally, I love free samples, but today I was on a mission. I just wanted to get my stuff and go. I didn't want to be lured into the temptation of buying things I didn't have on my list. No, thank you, I don't want to try the low fat yogurt. No, thank you, I'm not interested in the cereal. No, thank you, I don't want a cookie. Okay, okay, I'll try a sample of the grilled steak. I want to be healthier and eat more salads. Bagged salads are easy and convenient, but the thought of getting e-coli or any other sickness made me think twice about it. I don't want to buy all of the "fresh" fixings for a salad, because I'm just one person and don't want to buy too much of something that might go bad before I eat half of it. So, feeling guilty, I gave up the idea of eating fresh salads. Although, I suppose I can say that I'm proud of myself for resisting the temptation to buy a box of Creamsicles or Drumsticks. I've been having unnatural cravings for ice cream these days. Although, I did buy a bag of Doritos. So much for healthy.

The grocery store was also unusually crowded today, too. Most of the people were walking around as if they were in a daze. One very unfriendly and not-so-happy lady happened to be everywhere I needed to go. When I politely said "excuse me" as I tried to squeeze by her and her cart which was conveniently parked in the middle of the aisle, she gave me a rude and dirty look. I was half-tempted to say, "you know, you look a little unhappy and uptight, in fact you look constipated, I'm sure if you go to the pharmacy, they can provide you with some much needed laxatives, have a nice day." However, with the exception of the constipated lady, the majority of the people in the store were quite nice and friendly. Oddly enough, I received a lot of very friendly smiles from several of the young college guys. That just makes a girl happy, even me. And the fact that I'm probably at least ten years older than most of these guys makes me smile even more.

I've been finishing up some of my household chores. My apartment still isn't as clean as I wanted it to be. Oh well. What I really want right now is a glass of wine. The only problem is that the only red wine I have right now is my "special occasion" wine, and it isn't one of my cheaper wines. I don't think I'm quite ready to open my $30 bottle of Merlot tonight. Maybe I'll save it for later this week when we have our first snowfall. Maybe I'll just make a B-52 later in the evening.

Current drink: Barq's Root Beer
Current music: More songs from my iTunes library. Currently "Alibi" by the David Gray

Domestic Duties

It has been another busy week at work. Whenever things get busy at work and when I come home tired and exhausted, I seem to let my apartment go. This weekend has been somewhat quiet in the sense that I'm not doing anything big or exciting. But, on the other hand, it has been busy in the sense that I'm trying to clean up my little place. I just put a load of laundry in the dryer, and thought I would blog before I move on to the next household chore. Is "blog" a verb?

Since I've been working so hard, I decided to give myself another reward. Yesterday I had a little salon visit to have my hair done. I got a cute cut and some color. My stylist is cool and loves to experiment on me with different colors. Today my hair is various shades of blonde, bronze, red, and black. I love it! To add to the excitement of getting my hair done, when I came home and opened my mailbox I found a package from Victoria's Secret. Although I was a little disappointed that this package was listed as "delivery 2 of 2." I don't remember getting package "1 of 2," so I have to wait patiently and if it doesn't come soon, I'll have to find out what happened to a missing bra and pair of panties.

The weather is starting to change with the change of seasons. Things have been beautiful and fairly warm this past week. Today it is much colder. I like it. I like the fresh and crisp air, and you can't help but feel all warm and cozy in a warm sweatshirt or a sweater. It certainly feels like winter is right around the corner. I'm not a huge fan of driving on snow and ice, but I love the winter for its beauty. There is nothing better than drinking a good glass of red wine while wrapped in a warm blanket and surrounded by dozens of candles. If only I had a fireplace in my apartment...

Current mood: relatively relaxed
Current drink: coffee
Current music: various songs from iTunes. Currently "Mountain Spring" by Barrage

What is Wrong With the World?

While taking a short break from work, I decided to check some of the latest headlines on the news. There has been another killing in a school. Why does this keep happening? What is possessing people to do things like this? We make so much of terrorists abroad, but we seem to have quite a few in our own country. For a few weeks you couldn't bring shampoo on the airplane, but somehow guns are getting into our schools. Why? Are we at such a sad and frightening time in our society where we need to put metal detectors and armed guards at the doors of our schools just to keep our kids safe?

Sometimes when I tell people that I studied Classics, a few people turn up their noses and complain that the ancient Greek and Roman societies were too violent and immoral. Take a look at our society! When you look at it, are we really all that different? We still have violence in our streets, and we are still fighting wars. One huge difference between now and then is that in ancient times, the political leaders who voted to go to war would actually go to war with the troops. The were not preaching while they sat in big leather chairs. Instead, many of them were fighting. But that is another story.

Either way, what is the world coming to?

The Evolution of Language

After looking at my last post, I'm struck by something entirely different. I am amused (and often annoyed) by the fact that there is a trend to use the letter "z" rather than an "s" to form the plural of words. This makes me think of language in general. Being a Classicist and having studied Latin and ancient Greek, languages that are over 2000 years old, I can't help but wonder what people are going to uncover about the English language 2000 years from now. Imagine some future archaeologist digging in the dirt of a collapsed U.S. empire. Imagine if he or she were to uncover some of the things we have around us right now--newspapers, magazines, e-mail, instant messages, and, yes, even blogs. What will they think of the evolution of the spelling of boys to boyz or cool to kewl? And what of the severely shortened forms of are to just r and you to just u? Will things like "lol," "lmao," and "imho" look like strange hieroglyphics to them? Will they think those strange Bratz dollz (with a "z") are some kind of strange fertility relic? Was this woman, Paris Hilton, who appears everywhere, this society's goddess? The surviving literature of the future might not be anything like Homer's Odyssey and uncovering strange toys and cell phones might not be like uncovering Agamemnon's Mask, and Paris Hilton is no Athena, but it will all be interesting and fascinating nonetheless. I can only imagine what future generations will think of the society we live in today. Will things get better in the future? Will things spiral downhill? One can only wonder...

Toys in the New Century

I'm not sure how the rest of you feel, but I'm just a little creeped out by those Bratz Baby dolls that I keep hearing about lately. Supposedly they are popular and kids love them, but the way these are designed, you have to wonder if there are a few sick adults out there who like them too. Where is Dateline NBC to catch the freaks who thought of these toys?? I think these are even worse. Fishnet stockings and CFMBs (Come F. Me Boots) add a nice touch! Thank God I played with footballs when I was young!

Rewards

I would be lying if I said that things were quiet at work. Things have been busy, very busy. Busy is a good thing, though, because it makes the day pass faster. For the past week I have been writing what we are going to call our Publications Procedures Manual. I've actually been working on it for the past month, but this is the week where we were planning on presenting an almost-final draft to one of the board of directors meetings. Essentially it is an instruction manual on how to publish a book from the initial writing stage to the stage when the book is finally in print. Such a manual has never existed before at this company, and I was "tasked" to create one. Being the control freak that I am, I really enjoyed this because I could then set things up in the ways I think are best. And, let's face it, we all know that my ideas are the best. Makes me think, if I ruled the world... Most of these procedures are already being followed as a matter of course, but it needed to be put down in writing. There is always that thought that if we were all hit by a bus and someone had to pick up the pieces (so to speak) this manual will tell them what they need to do.

So as a reward for all of my hard work, I naturally decided to give myself a little treat. A shopping spree at Victoria's Secret always does the trick. There was a sale, so why not take advantage. Since I shopped online, I'll have to wait for my present to myself, but it will be worth it.

Current mood: full from a yummy dinner, chicken cooked in a Dijon marinade.
Current music: random songs from my iTunes library, currently Loreena McKennitt's "Dante's Prayer"
Current drink: Catena 2004 Malbec

Landscape

Silently you lie beside me
Sleeping softly
Your bare back exposed
A landscape for my hands and fingertips
Lightly and gently I explore
Tracing every line and every curve
Each touch fuels the ache of hunger
Each caress ignites the pain of thirst
I hunger and I thirst and I long for a feast
My hungry lips and thirsty mouth dine on your skin
Slowly savoring...

...work in progress. More to come, or you can use your imagination and take it from here...

Seasons

Summer sleeps
Cold autumn winds stir golden leaves
Dark gray clouds coast slowly overhead
Rain falls slowly and steadily
In the distance, high mountain peaks stand dusted with snow
I find warmth inside
Hypnotized by the dance of flames on candles
Feeling a rhythmic rise and fall as I rest my head on your breast
Breathing in the scent of your skin, sweet and intoxicating,
I drift to sleep

Life Lessons

While making penne pasta with a wonderful vodka cream sauce (homemade!), I decided that some simple garlic bread would be a great side. My garlic bread is very simple. Garlic salt, dried parsley, and some Parmesan cheese on some buttered (real butter!) bread. Here is the life lesson. When you use Kraft Parmesan cheese that has been in the fridge, it tends to stick together. The simple solution is to shake the little jar. However, when doing so, be sure that the little lids and cap are tightly closed. After a few hard shakes, my hair was full of Parmesan cheese. Yes, I'm an idiot! I tend to be somewhat hyper and I guess I just shook the jar too vigorously. You would think that I was shaking a martini shaker. Speaking of...

On another note, the weather has been wonderful lately. It finally feels like fall, and things are starting to cool off at night. The rain is falling right now and everything smells wonderful.

Have I said "wonderful" enough in this blog?

Random Statements

I saw something like this in another blog, and I thought it was interesting. It is a list of random statements about one's feelings toward specific people. But the fun of it is that the people aren't named. The plot thickens! Maybe one of these statements is about you... MUUWWWAAAHAHAHA...

1. I loved you dearly but you found a way to make me absolutely hate and despise everything about myself. I'm happy to report that I am doing much better these days now that you're not around.

2. Just because I hug you, that doesn't mean that I want to sleep with you!

3. You opened my eyes and reminded me what true love feels like.

4. I love you like a sister. You've seen and known the best and the worst in me and still you find a way to love me unconditionally.

5. As miserable as we were where we are at, you are the only one who got me through it all.

6. For me, you will always be the sound voice of reason and the one who I can always count on for good and practical advice.

7. I love you with all my heart and all my soul. When I'm with you my love never feels dangerous. Maybe if this were another time and another place...

8. I miss you more than words can express. If only we had more time together!

Maybe more to come...

The Child In All of Us

Regardless of how old we all get, there is always that eternal child in all of us. Today, a coworker and I drove down to Castle Rock to meet with a freelance typesetter to discuss some of our books. We met at 10:00 a.m. at a Village Inn, talked business while we drank coffee, then at around 12:00 we all decided that it was time to eat. We all happened to have breakfast for lunch. There is a certain, simple joy in this. Who knows why we get so excited when we have breakfast for lunch or dinner or a snack late in the evening. And who knows why some of us become children all over again whenever we stay in a hotel. A few months ago when I went to Indiana for a business trip, the first thing I did when I got to my hotel room was look through the desk and dresser drawers for the little hotel pens and stationary. I did this when I was younger, and I still do it at age 31.

I like this. I like to maintain that childlike wonder and curiosity about things. With work, rent, bills, and daily chores, sometimes this adult life is so overrated that you just want to remember the simple things of your childhood that made you happy. This is why I still sleep with a teddy bear and stuffed doggie. I might wear the Victoria's Secret jammies, which makes me feel all adult, but Santa Bear and Snuffy make me feel like a kid every night.

Current mood: relaxed
Current music: Dead Can Dance. Within the Realm of a Dying Sun
Current drink: 7 Deadly Zins, Zinfandel
Current thought: Happy Birthday, Laura!

The Virtues of Circus Peanuts...

When you shop at Target you are bound to go home with some impulse buys. Today my impulse buy happened to be circus peanuts. I normally don't have a sweet tooth. I have more of a salty tooth, if there is such a thing. Maybe I'll call it a salty tongue, that's different enough...But that just sounds strange. In any event, I'm indulging in my circus peanuts. Sure, a circus peanut isn't something that you'll find in nature, and with the first two ingredients being sugar and corn syrup and the last ingredient being "yellow 6," you know it isn't the healthiest and most organic snack around. Let's face it, this is one step away from eating a sugar cube, but sometimes you just want something sweet.

In other news, I finally went to the liquor store to buy some wine. I didn't go crazy, I only bought three bottles. I'm waiting for the circus peanut taste to leave my mouth before I open a bottle. Any connoseur will tell you that merlot and circus peanuts isn't exactly like pairing the merlot with a sharp cheddar, havarti, or gouda.

Current mood: okay
Current music: Loreena McKennitt "Dark Night of the Soul" from The Mask and the Mirror

Famous Last Words...

	Quiz Galaxy Predicts that Tenth Muse's Last Words Will Be...
"And you, Brutus?"
'What will your last words be?' at QuizGalaxy.com

The Perfect Night Continues

The rain has been falling.
The candles smell like vanilla.
The wine tastes wonderful.
There is only one thing missing...

Current drink: Seven Deadly Zins, 2004 Zinfandel
Current music: more tunes from my iTunes library, currently Loreena McKennitt "Ce He Mise le Ulaingt (The Two Trees)" from The Mask and the Mirror

Boulder in the Fall

It has been some time since I've written about the weather. It has been warm these past few days. Not hot, just warm. When I left work this afternoon, I was surprised at how much the weather changed in this day alone. It was cloudy, the wind was cold, and the air was cold. My car thermometer said that it was about 60 degrees. It is in the 50s right now, and it is supposed to drop to the 40s overnight. I only wish it was raining or that we were having a thunderstorm right now. That would make the night perfect. Well, perfect after I put on some good music, light a few candles, and open a bottle of wine. It just feels like the perfect cozy, romantic evening.

Current music: various songs from my iTunes library. Currently Dave Matthews "Crash"

My Orange County Reality

A good friend and I have a guilty pleasure, and that guilty pleasure is known as Laguna Beach. Yes, the Laguna Beach reality TV show on MTV. We both watch it separately in our own homes, but we typically and frantically email each other about the show during the commercials. The funny part of this is that we are both in our 30s but we still go through that type of teenage excitement one can get when watching such a show. I love the show, but I'm often asking myself, "were things really like that when I was in high school and living in Orange County?" Of course, it has been a long time ago since I was in high school...

I grew up in Irvine, California, which isn't that far from Laguna Beach. People who know me often ask me if life in Orange County was like what you see on Laguna Beach and that "other" OC show. I guess that depends on whose life you are considering. The reality on Laguna Beach was different from my own reality. Those kids are extremely wealthy and unbelievably beautiful. When I was in high school my family was financially comfortable and I was of "humble" appearance. (I didn't become bearable to look at until my recent years.) I was never part of any clique. Actually, I hardly had any friends. Maybe it was because my supposed friends were actually one of those cliques and I wasn't beautiful or smart enough. I wasn't involved in any of the social drama, but instead I was one of those strange, pensive loners. This was simply my reality. The reality you see on Laguna Beach is real, it is just a different reality for a different group of people. My reality was more like Andrea Seigel's Like the Red Panda...minus the Catholic schoolgirl skirt!

One thing I can say about the city of Laguna Beach is that you don't see the true nature of it in the TV show. Yes, it is true, it is fairly wealthy. The property is expensive and beautiful. But there is much more to the city than the money. What you don't see is that it is a very liberal community in a county that tends to fall on the conservative side. It is also known as the "artsy" community of Orange County with the Festival of the Arts, Pageant of the Masters, and the Sawdust Art Festival. Laguna Beach is also a very large and thriving gay and lesbian community. You can say that it is the Gayborhood (Gay neighborhood) of Orange County. For those of you in the area, you must go to Woody's at the Beach. It tends to be a gay hangout where straight folks are always welcome, and it has the most amazing food you will ever eat!

I do love living in Boulder, Colorado, but I also miss Irvine. Sure it is getting crowded and it is expensive, but it is an absolutely beautiful place to live.

More on Irvine in another entry...

Current mood: nostalgic
Current music: an assortment of songs from my iTunes library; currently "Crucify" by Tori Amos
Current drink: Ventana's 2005 Monterey/Arroyo Seco Riesling

More Relaxed

I am feeling a better today. At least I feel more relaxed and less restless. I still feel a little restless, but I am not feeling as bad as I was yesterday. The older I get the more I realize how moody I really am. My moods tend to change from day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute. To make matters worse, my moods tend to be extreme and intense and dramatic. Maybe I can blame it on all of the Greek tragedy I read. Oi moi, as they always say.

The weather is making me feel better. It has cooled off a lot lately. Unfortunately, my apartment still feels a bit warm and stuffy. I wish there was a way to bring the air outside inside. Right now there is the slightest breeze and you can smell rain in the air. It smells wonderful. It is amazing how something as simple as the smell of rain can improve my mood. I suppose this is all it takes. The smell of rain, a nice glass of wine, some good music.

Current mood: relaxed
Current music: Anna Nalick. Wreck of the Day
Current drink: Kendall-Jackson Grand Reserve 2004 Chardonnay

Restless

In spite of my last blog and my aspirations to read more, here I sit in front of the computer again. But rather than play games, I decided to blog for whoever reads these things. I don't quite know why I feel so restless right now. I certainly can't complain about my job. As busy as I am and as crazy as things are in the office, I'm much happier than I was at my previous job. I am just restless. I don't know what it is I want. And I don't know what it is I need. But something inside me is telling me I want or need something. There are a few people in my life who I am truly missing right now. Maybe that is it. Maybe I am missing some kind of connection that I'm not finding at work right now. The people at work are wonderful and we have great working and casual relationships. But I haven't truly bonded with anyone yet. I'm just very different from many of the people there. The one good thing you could say about my former workplace is that the people who worked there seemed to form great bonds with one another. I suppose I'm missing that bond and that connection. Although we do see one another on occasion, I miss the daily connection. I look for this bond at my current workplace, but I can't seem to find it. But, the more I think about it, the more I realize that this is okay. I suppose this is what makes my other bonds and connections all the more special and more worthy to be cherished. It makes me love those people more...not that there would ever be anything to make me love them less. I suppose I just miss them.

Current mood: pensive
Current music: Dead Can Dance
Current drink: Kendall-Jackson Grand Reserve 2004 Chardonnay

The Need to Feel Stimulated

And when I say stimulated, I mean intellectually stimulated.
When I come home from work these days, I usually feel completely exhausted. I spend a lot of my time sitting in front of the TV or playing online games like this, this, or this. Although I can spend hours indulging in these games, I'm feeling the need for something more. So I'm going to try to force myself to read a little more. True, this can get difficult because my career requires me to read all day. But I need to do more to stir my mind. So I'll come up with a little reading list and we'll see how I do.

Current mood: restless
Current music: t.A.T.u. Dangerous and Moving

Bodies in Dumpsters

Here I was tonight, minding my own little business and about to throw out the trash. When I got to our little dumpster area near my building, I was somewhat shocked to see long blonde hair in the corner of the dumpster. Holy Shiitake! The first thought that went through my mind is the typical opening sequence of a Law & Order episode where people are doing just this thing--minding their business, throwing away the trash then they are shocked to find a body in the dumpster. Panic immediately set in as I walked forward to take a closer look. It turned out to be just a wig. But it was dark, I had the first few sips from a glass of cognac, I really need new glasses, and I just expected the worst. Needless to say, I was happy that the blonde hair wasn't attached to a head. The whole scary experience probably shaved about three years off my life, but at least I had my own Law & Order moment. *ching, ching*

Current drink: Remy Martin VSOP Cognac
Current music: Holly Brook. Like Blood Like Honey