A Poem

Drowsy and drifting
Clouded and confused
Is it a dream
A darkened room
Lying atop cool cotton sheets
Skin, soft and smooth
Hot flesh pressed and melting together
Lips and kisses, hands and embraces
Moving and lingering and straying at a dizzying pace
Impatient passion
Insatiable hunger
Unquenchable desire
Unlimited ecstasy


--Well, it's not much of a poem. It doesn't even have a real title. It is certainly what I am feeling right now and what I am thinking. For some reason, I just feel tongue tied. I know what I want to say, but I just can't seem to say it. It is not quite good enough for me. I sound cliche, and if you read my other poetry it also sound repetitive. I just wanted to write it down before it slipped my mind completely. I was fortunate to have some great writing professors at the junior college I went to. They taught me that the most important thing in writing is to just write. Just put your thoughts on the page. It may not be good. It may not be what you intend or want. But the thoughts are there, and eventually you can work with them. Maybe this is just a work in progress. Maybe inspiration, somehow, in some form, will descend upon me. Until then...

Bad People, Wind, and Sunsets

Bad People: It seems as if some bad people are prowling around our office building. Two co-workers have noticed that their cars have been keyed in our office parking lot. Who the heck scratches up cars that are parked right next to an office building? I think my car is okay, but I need to check it tomorrow morning when it's not dark out. Fortunately, though, I park my car where I can see it from my office window. And since I obviously have an undiagnosed case of ADD and have a tendency to stare out the window and daydream when I should be working, I would probably see someone if they were lurking around my car. I really hope that no one does any damage to my car. After all, I don't think Santa will bring me a nice present this year if he were to find out that I broke someone's legs for messing with my car...

Wind: The weather really cooled off over the weekend, and yesterday there was a good rainfall that was almost snow. What is bad right now are the winds. When I went out for lunch this afternoon I was nearly blown off my feet. But that happens when you are little like me. It is fun, though, to try to dodge tumbleweeds that roll across the roads.

Sunsets: The winds may not have been all that fun, but the sunset this evening was absolutely beautiful. I just can't explain how beautiful it is to see the sun set behind the mountains when they are dusted with snow. I love watching the sun set into the ocean, but this is beautiful too. Some people don't like this time of year because it gets dark so early. I kind of like it. There is something cozy and romantic about it.

And speaking of cozy and romantic, I'm sure there is a poem in me somewhere, I'm just waiting for it to come out. Be patient, faithful readers...

Construction, Stupid People, Circus Peanuts, and the Weather

Construction: there has been a lot of construction in my area these days. I guess the city wants to finish their construction before the real snow starts to fall. One thing still confuses me, though. I keep wondering why the city of Boulder tends to do their major construction when school starts or during the peak of the semester. This is always when the most students are around and when there are the most cars on the road. For some odd reason, there is hardly any construction during the summer when the city is much quieter.

Stupid People: stupid people tend to be at their most stupid when there is construction. When a big orange sign says that the lane is about to close and that you need to merge into another lane, don't look surprised when you run out of road. Don't be surprised when you suddenly have to merge. And, of all things, don't be that idiot that speeds past the traffic and tries to cut in at the last minute. And, people, when traffic starts to back up, don't enter the intersection unless you know you can make it through without blocking traffic. How many times do I have to wait through a green light because you idiots keep trying to go through the intersection when you clearly shouldn't? You look like an idiot because you are parked in the middle of the intersection with nowhere to go and you look like an even bigger idiot because other people are upset with you because you are blocking their way.

Circus Peanuts: I just looked under the ingredients on a bag of circus peanuts. It contains that warning that the product "may contain milk and peanuts." Peanuts? What? Are they kidding? Are there really peanuts in circus peanuts? I've had plenty of circus peanuts and nothing in a circus peanut comes even close to resembling a real peanut.

The Weather: The weather has been odd lately. We are already in our second week of November and the temperature today was in the 70s. I suppose this doesn't mean much in Colorado, because there is always the chance that tomorrow we can have a blizzard that drops three or four feet on the state within a few hours. The weather would be perfect if I were sitting on a patio having a few beers with some friends. It might be hard to believe, but I wish there was a little more winter in the air...but not too much winter. I like chilly weather, but I don't want it to be too cold. I don't mind a decent snowfall, but I definitely don't want to deal with ice. I guess I do like a certain crispness in the air. I have a childlike fondness for seeing the steam from my breath, and there is something cozy about bundling up in a warm jacket. I like the smell of the cold air and it is made even better if you can smell a fireplace burning in the distance. And it is okay to be cold when you have a good glass of wine or cognac in your hand.

Current mood: annoyed with construction and stupid people, perplexed by circus peanuts, calmed by the weather.
Current drink: root beer...too early for cognac
Current food: circus peanuts
Current music: Beth Waters This Little Piggy

Look Both Ways and Say Thank You

When you live in Boulder, you are bound to encounter a lot of pedestrian and bicycle traffic. The closer you are to campus, the more people and bicycles you'll find. By now, I've gotten use to it when I'm flying around in my car. I know where the students tend to walk so I know where and when to slow down. I'm fine with the amount of people, but what I am not fine with are the people who think they own the road or who don't pay attention to where they are going. Pedestrians and cyclists have the right of way and I'll happily grant them that. I just wish more of them would look at the traffic and cars when they decide to cross the street. I can't even begin to count how many people just cross the street without the slightest glance to the left or right. Maybe I grew up in a different generation, but when I was growing up my parents taught me to look both ways before crossing the street. They also taught me that I shouldn't cross the street when a car is approaching. You can never trust the driver. When kids these days cross the street without looking both ways, are they just dumb or are their parents dumb because they didn't teach their kids to look both ways? If the people are crossing the street in a crosswalk, then I will happily slow down or stop. If you're jaywalking, well, then you better just walk faster than I can drive. And remember I'm from California, so I can drive fast!

There is, however, something that annoys me more than people who cross the street without looking both ways. What really annoys me is when you stop for a pedestrian or a bicyclist and they don't acknowledge you with a little thank you. When I stop to let a group of people cross the street, I kind of expect them to maybe look at me, smile at me, or give me a little wave of thanks. Again, this is something my parents taught me, so maybe I'm just expecting everyone else to do the same. Some people are really polite and do this. Others just walk on by. These, of course, are the ones I want to just run over.

This is all annoying and it makes me cranky. It just makes me wonder what happened to common sense and common courtesy. Maybe I just expect too much.

Current drink: Rutherford Hill 2002 Napa Valley Merlot

Winter Dance

The sun sets quietly giving way to night and a canopy of stars. The tired Earth rests beneath a blanket of white and the snow glows brightly in the moonlight. The cold wind swirls, stirring the snow and shaking the naked limbs of the trees as they stretch their thin arms toward the heavens. They comfort us, protect us, as the evening snow begins to fall. We stand together, somehow warm in this crisp air, our breath hot against cheeks and necks and lips. And we move together on a cold winter night as we slow dance in the snow.

I Love My View

The nice thing about my little office at work is that one of my "walls" is actually a huge window. The window extends from wall to wall and from ceiling to practically the floor. Right now, as I look to the left I can see the moon. When I look to the right, I see the sun setting behind the mountains. It is gorgeous! If I wasn't afraid of setting off the sprinkler above my head, why, I would light some candles and get cozy.

Why I Need a See-Through Pantry

I don't know how it happened, but somehow my "pantry" is stocked with about 10 little cans of tomato paste, about 8 cans of either diced or crushed tomatoes, and about 15 pounds of pasta. I suppose I buy things when I don't necessarily need it. But if you go to the store and they have a sale where you can buy one box of pasta and get one box free, then you buy two boxes. I guess I also don't always check my cupboards and "pantry" before I go shopping. If I took a quick look, I would probably know that I don't need another box of bow tie pasta. And to make matters worse, if it is on the top shelf, then forget about it. I'm on the not-so-tall side (okay, I am kind of short), so I can't always see what is on the top shelf if it is tucked away in the back. I suppose this isn't all that bad considering pasta and canned tomatoes can last for a few years. Plus, when you live in Colorado, you never know when a blizzard will hit. With this amount of pasta, I suppose I could be snowed in for a month or more and still have enough to eat.

Current drink: root beer
Current music: Holly Brook Like Blood Like Honey

Early Bird

As much as I love to sleep in, sometimes it pays off to wake up early on the weekends. It seems as if people in Boulder don't wake up before noon on Sundays. Or maybe they are awake, but they are just "conquering" some kind of mountain or river or something. In any event, if you wake up early, you can shop early. And shopping early in Boulder means that you can pretty much have the store all to yourself. That is something that I often like, because when I shop I would rather not be suffocated or crowded by the plebs. I want to just get in a store, get my stuff, and get out. But I finished my shopping early, I just started a load of laundry, and I'm about ready to tidy up my apartment. If only I woke up a tad earlier, it wouldn't be too late to get a sausage and egg McMuffin at McDonald's. I tend to crave the not-so-healthy foods when I'm PMSing.

Current music: John Mayer Continuum

Mission Accomplished

Well, I can finally relax! I finished my big project this afternoon, and I'm glad it is done. For all of the stress I went through, I think all of my efforts are appreciated. That makes me feel better. But, just because I'm finished with this book, that doesn't mean that I can sit idle for the next few weeks. I have nearly 20 other books that need my attention.

Still, I do think I need some kind of reward for doing two months of work in ten days. Hmm, what will it be? A nice dinner? A shopping trip at Old Navy? Maybe Victoria's Secret? A bottle of wine? A bottle of cognac? All of them???

current mood: I rock!
current music: random songs. Currently "Crying" by Roy Orbison and k.d. lang.
current drink: Orange Juice...with a shot of Ketel One vodka...I need my vitamin C after working so hard...and I need to support a Dutch distillery...

"Blizzard"

Well, they said that we were going to have a blizzard. Some parts of the state were hit harder than others. For us, it wasn't that bad. The snow in the morning was wet and heavy which made for a slushy drive. I still took it slow, because you can still slide out of control on slushy roads. Once you make it safely to your destination, though, things look much prettier. I love the snow if I don't have to drive in it. Here is the view outside the window of my office. As you can see, with a view like this, it is sometimes difficult to work. I wish the picture was a little clearer, but this is the best I picture I could take with a camera phone while looking through a window during a snow storm!

Complications

Difficult deadlines...PMS...Now the weather people are predicting a blizzard tomorrow. Can it get any more stressful??

Almost There

Having just inhaled my dinner, I thought I would write a quick post before getting back to work. Things are still ever so busy at work and the next two days in the office are going to be crazy. The big board of directors meeting will be held over the next few days. Fortunately I don't have to do anything special and I don't have to attend any of these meetings. There will just be a lot of people wandering around the office, and many of them will be stopping in everyone's office to try to get to know us and find out what we do. I suppose I'm fortunate to be an editor in the company because the editors are always the odd ones in the office. We're not odd per say, but people think of us as odd because they don't really understand what we really do. Usually when we have visitors to our office, they say "oh, you edit the books? Well it was nice meeting you..." I'm especially fortunate because in addition to being an editor, I am also a Classicist. When I tell people that I edit books for a living and read Greek and Latin for fun, they usually look at me with a somewhat stunned and perplexed look on their face. Ahh, like the Medusa, I can freeze (or turn to stone) a person in an instant.

I'm very close to finishing my big project. It has been difficult and often frustrating, and I will be happy when it is finished. I've decided to pick and choose my battles. The errors that I haven't fixed yet are things that will have to stand until the next edition. I've caught all of the gross errors, so that makes me feel better. Letting go is hard for me because I've been trained by the best (and you know who you are!), and I truly care about the quality of my books. As much as I want to be a perfectionist, I have to let go this time. That is simply for my own peace of mind. The project will end, and at least I find some comfort in knowing that I'm producing something that is better than what I started with.

One Step at a Time

Slowly, ever so slowly, this big project of mine is coming together. Granted, the more I look at it, the more errors I see in the previous edition. I'm cleaning up as much as I possibly can in the time I'm allowed, but unfortunately I don't think I will be able to catch everything. Still, I think that the final book will be a tad better than what I started with.

Needless to say, I'm exhausted. I'm somewhat exhausted emotionally and mentally. Mostly I'm just exhausted physically. My back, my shoulders, my neck are all aching. My back hurts more than anything. You can sit in front of a computer for only so long. Maybe I'm just getting old.

Quick break

You know things are busy when I get up at 8:30 a.m. on a Saturday to work. As much as I wanted to roll out of bed at 10:00 or 11:00 I just have too much to do. Yes, I'll be working all weekend, and most likely I will be working 12-hour days until Friday. As a friend said, when you are competent and experienced you unfortunately get loaded down with the impossible tasks. The other people in my department are certainly competent enough to handle this project. The only difference is that I can do things quicker because I have more experience. Such is life. To add to my workload this weekend, I also took on a small freelance project. This might sound like a dumb move, but I think it might actually be good for me. Working on a different project for a different publisher will be a nice break from what I normally do. Plus, this freelance project is for a good friend who I just can't say "no" to because she is just too darn cute. Yes, I'm whipped, but I can admit it.

Current mood: stressed and overwhelmed
Current drink: coffee, Seattle's Best House Blend (both organic and fair trade!!)
Current music: more songs from my iTunes library. Currently Anna Nalick's "Breathe"

Pretty, but Dangerous

The snow on the trees is absolutely beautiful. But when too much snow falls too fast on trees that are still full of leaves, you have to watch your head. A huge limb from a tree across the street from my apartment just crashed to the street. And did I say that it is HUGE?! It makes me a little nervous considering there is a similar tree right in front of my apartment. I hope a tree limb doesn't come crashing through my roof!

It's Snowing!!!

SNOW! Big fat snowflakes!

I'm looking out my window here in the office and we are having a good snowfall right now. It's not quite sticking to the grass or pavement yet, but it is starting to stick to the windshields of the cars. This storm was supposed to hit later in the day, but it came in early. If it gets really bad, maybe we'll have a snow day!!

Dream of Me...

Dark skies
White moon, waning slowly
Stars that wink and smile
Late nights
Sleepless, restless
Close your eyes
See me
Imagine me
Feel me
Holding you in my arms
Kissing you softly, gently
Rest quietly
Dream of me tonight...

Under the Gun

So the question of the day is, can I copyedit, typeset, and proofread a 400 page book in about ten days? And when I say "I," I mean I. No freelance copy editor. No freelance typesetter. No freelance proofreader. Just me. Should be great fun.

Hopeful Nights

In an earlier post, I said that I was going to save my $30 bottle of Merlot for a night when it was cold and when it started to snow. I couldn't wait. I decided to open it tonight. I tried a hot shower, and that couldn't relax my muscles. So I thought that maybe a nice glass (or two) of Merlot would do the trick. My body still feels tight for some reason. I think I just need to make an appointment with someone to get a massage. I think I need a professional (or a good friend) to work out some of the tension. The one good thing I can say right now is that my head feels at ease. Hopefully my mind will not race tonight. Hopefully I will be able to get a decent night of sleep. Hopefully my dreams will be better tonight.

To my faithful readers, I hope that your dreams are sweet tonight...

Current drink: Swanson 2002 Oakville Merlot
Current mood: tired

Restless Nights

Today my body has been tense and achy. For once, this has nothing to do with working too long, hunched over a computer. I didn't sleep so well last night because I kept having strange nightmares. The bad dreams seemed to last all night, but there is really only one that I can remember. In this particular dream I was fighting a wizard of some kind. We were in a dark room and with the dark grey stone walls, it seemed like we were in a dungeon. There was a small fire pit, but the flames were starting to die out, so the room kept getting darker and darker. It seems as if I was also a magic user or witch or something, or at least I thought I was. As often as I tried to extend my arms toward the other wizard and as much as I was hoping I could throw lightning bolts, nothing happened. Naturally the panic started to set in. The wizard didn't seem to have a problem casting his spells. He cast a spell which seemed like a laser. I couldn't cast spells, but I suppose I was able to block his laser spell with my hand. My hand wasn't destroyed but it hurt. It both burned and felt like someone was driving a drill through my hand. Then the mage charged me, and that is when things got scary. He was tall and slender, yet still muscular, although his hands and fingers were long and thin, almost skeletal. His skin was both ashen gray and yellow, and his eyes were black. When he charged me, it was quick and sudden, threatening and aggressive. Things went blank at that point, and I think I was starting to wake up. I suddenly became aware of and conscious of my breathing because it was so short and deep. Then I noticed that my shoulders were tensed up to my ears and my hands were locked in a fist. The pain I felt from blocking the laser with my hands was probably the pain I was feeling from my fingernails digging into my palms.

I have no idea what brought on this dream. I have recurring Civil War dreams that are scary and violent. Since those dreams happens so often, I think it is likely that I'm dreaming about a past life. But last night's dream was altogether new and different. I'm somewhat curious about what it all means. The only thing I do know is that I'm certainly feeling the physical effects of it today.