Happiness

Have you ever noticed that there are some people in this world who never seem to be happy? There are just some people who are always sad or frustrated or angry. When you browse blogs across the Web like I do, you often see this. There are people out there who are filled with so much angst, sadness, frustration, or hate. They hate their jobs, hate their living situation, hate their friends, hate their family, hate the car they drive, hate the way they look, hate everything else, and in general hate themselves. And I'm not talking about people who have these individual hates. I'm talking about people who hate all of these things at once. On the surface, you look at them and think that they must have a sad and miserable life. But eventually sad and miserable turns into pathetic. Sometimes you want to shake these people and ask them if there is anything in their life that they love and appreciate. Sometimes you want to just slap them and remind them that sometimes their problems are trivial compared to the real problems of the world. Sure, everyone hits a rough patch in life, and there are certainly plenty of people out there who truly live a hard life. But sometimes when you read the things that some people write, all you can do is shake your head in disbelief. When a grown adult writes about things and concerns that a thirteen-year-old would write about, you want to just shake them.

Everyone has their moments of moodiness. I certainly can't deny that I'm moody and slightly manic and bipolar. Everyone gets the blues or the "mean reds" as Holly Golightly put it in Breakfast at Tiffany's. I know that I complain about all of the idiots of the world who annoy me. I know that I often write about being exhausted because of work. But, unlike some of the people out there in the world, I at least don't hate my life or hate myself. In fact, I think that my life is pretty darn good and I think I'm pretty darn cool. I can sometimes be a big dork and a geek, but I have my moments of cool. In my mind, I live my own charmed life. I have an exciting job. I live in a cool little apartment in a cool city. I have a wonderful family. I have beautiful friends. I might not have a million dollars, the perfect body or looks, that Tuscan villa or that house on the shore of a Greek isle, or any other secret desires that I want, but so what. For whatever negatives I might have in my life, they are far outnumbered by the positives, and, for that, I consider myself fortunate.

I'm fortunate, but I know that I'm not a special case. That is why I get so frustrated and annoyed when I read certain blogs, and, like I was saying, I sometimes wish I can reach through the monitor and shake the person writing those blogs. Everyone has the potential to be happy and fortunate. But it's not going to happen if they sit alone on the couch and wallow in self-pity. They just have to change their thinking. (Wow! I really sounded like Oprah or Dr. Phil for a second there!) There has to be something in their life that makes them happy. There has to be something that they appreciate and cherish. If there isn't, well, I suppose all we can do is feel sorry for them...and feel thankful that we're not that person!

Long Philosophical Post (not all my own)

I've been feeling moody these past few days, some might say weeks. Whenever I get into moods like this, I try to find a way to get myself out of the slightly depressed mood into a better mood. Often, I like to read the philosophy of Marcus Aurelius. Yes, it is exactly the thing that a dorky Classicist would do, but he often offers some practical advice. Here is a long piece that I hope you enjoy...

Men seek for seclusion in the wilderness, by the seashore, or in the mountains--a dream you have cherished only too fondly yourself. But such fancies are wholly unworthy of a philosopher, since at any moment you choose you can retire within yourself. Nowhere can man find a quieter or more untroubled retreat than in his own soul; above all, he who possesses resources in himself, which he need only contemplate to secure immediate ease of mind--the ease that is but another word for a well-ordered spirit. Avail yourself often, then, of this retirement, and so continually renew yourself. Make your rules of life brief, yet so as to embrace the fundamentals; recurrence to them will then suffice to remove all vexation, and send you back without fretting to the duties to which you must return.

After all, what is it that frets you? the vices of humanity? Remember the doctrine that all rational beings are created for one another; that toleration is a part of justice; and that men are not intentional evildoers. Think of the myriad enmities, suspicions, animosities, and conflicts that are now vanished with the dust and ashes of the men who knew them; and fret no more. ...

...Or does the bubble reputation distract you? Keep before your eyes the swift onset of oblivion, and the abysses of eternity before us and behind; mark how hollow are the echoes of applause, how fickle and undiscerning the judgments of professed admirers, and how puny the arena of human fame. For the entire earth is but a point, and the place of our own habitation but a minute corner in it; and how many are therein who will praise you, and what sort of men are they?

Remember then to withdraw into the little field of self. Above all, never struggle or strain; but be master of yourself, and view life as a man, as a human being, as a citizen, and as a mortal. Among the truths you will do well to contemplate most frequently are these two: first, that things can never touch the soul, but stand inert outside it, so that disquiet can arise only from fancies within; and secondly, that all visible objects change in a moment and will be no more. Think of the countless changes in which you yourself have had a part. The whole universe is change, and life itself is but what you deem it. (Translation by Maxwell Stainforth)

Mountains and Change

Mountains: Late in the afternoon I went out to run a bunch of errands. While I was driving home, I looked toward the mountains and they seemed especially large today for some reason. Living in Boulder you are practically at the foot of the mountains, so they always seem large, but today they seemed more towering. Maybe it was the light. The sun was just starting to set behind the mountains, so the sun was blinding me. With the sun falling as it was, you could barely make out the features of the mountains, but instead you could only really see their silhouette. Maybe this is what made them seem so large. Maybe I was just looking at it differently. Maybe I was just feeling smaller. And when I say smaller I am not saying smaller in the sense that I feel insignificant, or lonely, or overwhelmed, or lost in any way. I mean smaller in the sense that you suddenly remember how big the world is around you. It is something I tend to notice every day, but today the feeling felt especially strong. There was just something breathtaking and majestic about it. Too bad I didn't have my camera!

Change: Seeing the mountains around me always reminds that I live in Colorado and that reminds me of change. When I look back on the past ten or fifteen years, it amazes me that I am here in this place. Even more amazing is how much I have changed over those years. When I graduated high school, I was majoring in business, economics, and accounting. I thought I would stay in California. After a few years at a junior college where I met some wonderful professors, I realized that I really enjoyed English and literature. After eventually getting a degree in English from Cal State Fullerton, I realized that I wanted to specialize in Classics, and the only way to do that was to go to a new school to get another degree. When the time came to pick a grad school, my top choices were UC Santa Barbara and Colorado. I came to Colorado. While in grad school I thought that I would go on to another school to get a Ph.D. and after that I would teach somewhere as a professor. At the end of grad school, I wanted a break from school, and that brought me to the publishing industry. And here I am. Four schools, four degrees, one career later...

I've certainly seen growth in terms of my education and career. But I think that I have just grown and changed in general over the years. I don't think that I could ever go back to high school or ever attend a reunion. In spite of everything that has happened in my life and as much as I've grown, I really don't think I would have anything to say. I don't think anyone would recognize me. I am so different from the person I was back then. Maybe physically I would seem familiar, but I am a completely different person in terms of my thoughts, emotions, and attitudes. Each year has brought me more adventures and more growth, and I like to think that I've been getting better with each year, but that also depends on who you ask. But I've never been happier or more content with what I have in my life right now. I love the career path I've chosen. I have wonderful and beautiful friends. Love is always at the center of my life. What more could you ask for?