Thursday, January 23, 2014

New Year's Resolutions

For a long time I would make New Year's Resolutions every year. In recent years, I would be horrible about keeping them. Then eventually I got to the point of not making any at all. What's in a resolution, after all. In a sense, most resolutions for most people are a declaration of what they don't like or hate about themselves. Some of the most common resolutions are to eat better, lose weight, manage money better, quit a vice like smoking or drinking. I suppose it is noble to admit your faults and to recognize where you can improve your life. But it a way it's also somewhat depressing, because your essentially listing all the things you're doing wrong in your life. Oh well. I suppose the best way to start a new year is with a positive attitude that you can fix whatever is bothering you or holding you back in life.

I'm giving resolutions another shot this year and my goal is to try to make them positive and hopefully these are things that will make my life this year better than what it was last year.

Resolution 1: Work Less. My name is "Tenth Muse" and I'm a workaholic. I don't need to explain why this is my number one resolution. My pathetic posts of the past are explanation enough. I declared this on New Year's Day. Since getting back to work, I have worked my 8-hour day and I haven't taken work home with me at night or over the weekends. I also haven't checked work e-mail while I'm "off the clock." So far, so good. And it has felt great. Do I feel like I should be catching up on or getting ahead on projects? Do I feel guilty? Not one damn bit.

Resolution 2: Cook More. I cook all the time. I suppose this resolution really means cook better, cook healthier, cook more interesting. When things get busy (see blog history and what's behind Resolution Number 1), I often feel too tired to cook when I get home from work. So I make an easy dinner or microwave some frozen dinner. It's not the healthiest thing to do every night. I really enjoy cooking and I love experimenting and trying new recipes. It has often been like a hobby for me. So one of my resolutions is to force myself to cook actual meals, real meals, that are good for me and that I enjoy preparing and eating.

Resolution 3: Read More. This one might be hard to pull off. Now that I'm in my ninth year working in publishing, a job where you're looking at text and reading for a living, I can't stand reading. I used to love reading. It was always such a joy to pick up a new book—or, as is the case for me, an old book—and lie on the couch or in the bed and just read it for an afternoon or evening. Being a book person, I should probably read them more often.

Resolution 4: Learn More. I could probably tie this into Resolution 3. I have an associate's degree, two bachelor's degrees, and a master's degree. Education and learning is in my blood. When I'm not learning something new, I feel like a lazy, ignorant slob. I don't like feeling like a lazy, ignorant slob. So my goal is to "study." So this "studying" might mean reading some books or watching some documentaries. Whatever the form, I just want to learn something. Maybe I'll pick up my Greek and Latin textbooks and get back to reading Greek and Latin. I've gotten so rusty in those languages over the years.

So those are my resolutions for the year. I've limited myself to four goals, and these seem like goals that I might actually be able to accomplish.

Thursday, January 16, 2014

A Return to the Blog

It has been a very long time since I've last posted something here. It's been well over a year, I think. So, why did I stop writing? Why did I disappear? I suppose a big part of me just got tired of myself. I was tired of what I was writing day after day, then week after week, then month after month. Somehow I found myself stuck in a rut and in what seemed like an endless cycle of doing the same exact thing day after day. Work got incredibly busy and unfortunately it managed to take over my life. I would work long hours, take work home with me, and work over the weekend. In the free time I had, I really felt no motivation to do anything. I posted on my blog because I, for some reason, felt compelled to, but at a point I was getting depressed about what I was writing. How exciting and interesting is it to constantly write about how tired I was because work was always busy? At the time absolutely nothing inspired me and I didn't feel moved or motivated to write anything interesting or clever or creative. So I just stopped. I doubt the world felt a great loss by my disappearance, but for whatever reason I feel compelled to write here.

So, what has happened in the past year? Well, things with work haven't changed. It's still busy and there were a few months ago where I was working about 50 or 60 hours a week. Because I don't get paid overtime, because we only get a 2 percent cost-of-living raise every year, and because we don't exactly get recognized for working long hours, my New Year's resolution was to NOT work so much. I'm going to try to force myself to keep my work-life balance, and ideally I'd like the scales tipped more toward the "life" end. But I don't really want to talk about work, because I've done enough of that over the years.

The real life-changing event happened last year when my father passed away. His health had been failing for the past few years, and he would have periods when he was ill, but then he would "bounce back" and get better. Toward the end of 2012 and the beginning of 2013, his health really started to decline. He was in and out of hospitals, spent time in emergency rooms and ICUs, and even spent time in a nursing home, before my mom and brother decided to bring him home in May 2013 for hospice care. Selfishly speaking, living so far from home was incredibly painful because there was nothing I could do to help him or to help my mom and brother who were taking care of him. I went home on May 29, and he passed away the next day. My mom, brother, sister and her family, and I were all with him when he passed. My other brothers and a nephew came a few days later, and we were all together for his memorial service. As difficult and as painful as the time was, we were all fortunate to be together. We could laugh and cry together as we remembered him. Some day I will write more about him and about the man he was, but I'm crying a little too much to do that right now.

Thus begins my return to my blog. We'll see what I can manage to pull together for 2014...