Monday, January 29, 2007

Cheese and Signs of Age

Cheese: I am very thrilled to have discovered a new cheese. Actually, I, personally, didn't discover it. My boss was actually eating some cheese and he was nice enough to share some with me, because he knows that I'm a wine and cheese type of person. The cheese we had is Parrano. A lot of people think that it is Italian, but it is actually Dutch. It is a Gouda, and I'd bet $100 that most of you pronounced that GOO-dah. So, being a Gouda, it has a smooth, creamy, and buttery texture. But it has the nutty flavor of Parmesan. All I have to say is that it is wonderful. Too bad I don't have a Chardonnay to drink with it.

Signs of Age (this doesn't have to do with cheese): Earlier this evening I had one of those moments that reminded me that I'm not as young as I used to be. Once I reached a certain age, I started to lose track of things. I'd put my keys down, but would soon forget where I put them. I'd search and search for my gloves before realizing that I was wearing them. This evening I searched and searched for the remote. Where could it be? It was in the kitchen, because that is the natural place for it after all. At least I can find comfort in knowing that it wasn't in the fridge.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Intuition

For the past week, I have been feeling as if something wasn't quite right. Something has seemed out of order. This has been my general feeling in life, but these feelings were more intense at work. On Friday afternoon, my direct boss called a meeting of our department to let us know that he plans on leaving the company. In the end it will be great for him and I congratulate him. You can't help but wonder, though, where things go from here. I suppose there is not much we can do but hold on tight to the oars, do our best to steer the ship, and simply ride the waves.

I've noticed that I've been using a lot of sailing metaphors lately. I suppose that is ironic given I live in a landlocked state...

I've spent the day today cleaning my apartment and relaxing. We've had another snowfall this weekend, the sixth, I think, in six weeks. Fortunately this storm wasn't that bad. It was simply a nice dusting of snow that added up to a few inches. The snow can be an annoyance at times, but I love it for its beauty. There is something pure and simple about a cold winter night--the snow glowing in the dark, the sound the snow makes as it crunches under your boots, the sight of the steam from the warmth of your breath, the smell of a wood-burning fireplace in the distance.

Finally, safe travels to some friends who will be setting off on the road in the next few days. I'll miss you...

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Disconnected

After rereading my last post, something must really be in the air. There just seems to be something disconnected and disjointed in my writing. My little Classical metaphor kind of came out of nowhere, but it is a vivid metaphor. And the whole line about "sailing forward" is very rah-rah and sounds like something you would hear in therapy. It might not make much sense, but it sounded good when I was first typing away.

I think that in general my thoughts and emotions have been disconnected and disjointed for the past few days. This might contradict my statement that I've been feeling fine, but really it doesn't. I do feel fine, for the most part. I think that my mind is just swimming in all kinds of thoughts. I can't really say what kind of thoughts, because, like I said, they are all disconnected and random and sometimes hard to define or decipher. I feel a little "off" but not necessarily in a bad way.

I suppose I'm going on and on about not much at all. Again, random thoughts. I thought it would all make more sense if I typed and wrote it all out. It doesn't make more sense, but the mechanics of writing feels good for some reason, I suppose. Maybe if I write long enough, I'll find my answers. Then again, maybe not. How can I even tell at this point?

Something in the Air

They say that January is one of the worst months. This is the month when people are recovering from the holidays, going back to work, receiving credit card statements, and already breaking New Year's resolutions. I guess they call it the January Blues. I feel fine for the most part, but there does seem to be something in the air at work. Something seems a little off. Something seems a little out of balance. Something just isn't right. If you look around the office, you'll see three general moods. Either a person is in a really bad mood, depressed for some reason, or just plain tired and exhausted. Even though I've been feeling fine, I'm the type of person who tends to feed off of the moods around me. If someone around me is in a bad mood, that stresses me out and eventually puts me in a bad mood. If someone around me is depressed, that rubs off on me and I start to mope. If someone is tired, I start to feel tired. So if you combine all of the moods at once, that makes for an interesting new mood all together. I just feel restless and unsettled. To pull out one of my Classical metaphors: it is like sailing a ship between Scylla and Charybdis. Maybe you'll get eaten by Scylla. Maybe you'll drown in Charybdis. There is no such thing as "the lesser of two evils" between the two. Both are pretty bad, and neither is much fun. But you have no choice, you have no other route. All you can do is keep sailing forward and hope that somehow you find a way to survive.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Wonderful Weekend

This week has been quite a crazy week. On Monday I thought that this would be the perfect week to get ahead on all of my book projects at work. Unfortunately, a curve ball was thrown my way, and I had to dedicate practically the entire week (and some nights) to one "emergency" project. Fortunately, I was able to finish this project by the end of the week. But, unfortunately, my projects were still at a standstill. I was planning on spending most of this weekend catching up (again) on my projects. Fortunately, (for me, my sanity, and my peace of mind) I didn't do any work at all this weekend.

I spent Saturday afternoon at the National Western Stock Show with a good friend and we watched the stock dog trials. We watched the sheep herding competition which I have never seen before. It was a lot of fun. Later that evening we met some other friends for dinner at a wonderful restaurant in Denver. We all used to work together at a publishing company which shall remain nameless, but fortunately we have since moved on to other publishers or, in one case, a different line of work altogether. I miss working with them, and I simply miss just seeing them every day. But, even though we are in different places, we often make an effort to get together to hang out and to catch up on things. All I have to say is that spending time with this group of women is the most wonderful thing for me. You simply can't go wrong with a group of amazing, funny, intelligent, talented, and beautiful women. I feel so great when I am with them, and I am so fortunate to have them in my life. They mean the world to me. After such a wonderful day and evening, I couldn't possibly ruin the rest of my weekend by working.

So, a toast with a glass of Cognac to my wonderful and beautiful friends...

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Ithaca

Some call me great
Some call me a hero
I won great glory
I heard the Siren song
I kissed the lips of a Goddess
The Fates at the loom wove a new thread
The horror of the Underworld
The fierceness of Scylla
Swallowed by Charybdis
All that I had
All that I lost
You call me a hero?
Hopeless and helpless
Weak and feeble
I cling to this wreck of a ship
Poseidon, my enemy
Torturing me, tormenting me
Burned by the sun
Engulfed by the waves
Battered and broken
My strength fades
I am no hero
Greatness does not lie within me
I am nothing more but mortal flesh
Weeping for a distant shore
Longing for what I do not have

Monday, January 15, 2007

More Observations

Why is it so difficult to keep a one-bedroom apartment clean? I'm not a horrible mess and I'm not a slob. I don't have random things growing and mutating in various corners of my apartment. I'm just not always very tidy. There are just various stacks of newspapers, books, or random paper here and there throughout my apartment. However, the perfectionist in me is careful to make sure that the stacks themselves are neat and orderly. It's ironic. It is not that bad, though, considering some of the apartments I have seen--remember I was in grad school and I have known a lot of graduate students. What I really need is a friend to call me to tell me that she is coming over to hang out and to have a few glasses of wine. That always motivate me to clean my apartment. Somehow my place is always impeccable when I know someone is coming over. I just don't show them the closet...

I suppose I will spend the rest of the evening tidying up my apartment. I have nothing else intelligent to say anyway...except, I need to buy wine...

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Random Observations

Random observations on a cold, snowy day...

Shopping carts and snow: I came to the conclusion that it is very difficult to push a shopping cart over a snow-covered parking lot. And given my tendency to always pick the shopping car with a bum wheel and bad alignment--you know, the kind of shopping cart with a wheel that squeaks and screeches throughout the store and a wheel that twirls in circles, thus making it impossible to control--I have an even more difficult time pushing the darn thing over the snow. One or two inches of snow might not seem like a lot, but it is a lot of snow for a shopping cart especially if you're a not-so-big-and-tall person pushing it.

Cereal is expensive: In my new quest to eat healthier, I decided that it was time to start eating more cereal. These days they have all kinds of healthy cereal, ones with lots of whole grains, high in fiber and other vitamins, low in sugar, etc. I'm usually an English muffin or toast for breakfast kind of person, so it has been quite a long time since I've bought cereal. Needless to say, I was somewhat shocked to see how expensive cereal is when I went out to buy some today. Who knew that you have to practically barter one of you own kidneys for a box of Cheerios?

Frozen pizza probably can't be considered healthy: I'm full of irony and hypocrisy (and some people might say full of a lot of other things), but in spite of my "quest" to eat healthy, I happily ate a frozen pizza for dinner. Well, it was cheap and easy, and I wasn't in the mood to cook.


Saturday, January 13, 2007

Working on the Weekend

Here I am on a Saturday about to work on some projects for work. Since I took a day off from work earlier this week and because I spent most of the week working on several things other than my books, I need to try to make up for lost time. I've basically spent the week running in quicksand, as we say, and the only way I can catch up on my own projects is to work on them while I am at home and away from any other distractions. Yes, I would rather be doing something more fun, but if I'm lucky I'll use this weekend to actually get ahead. Working from home is great, in a way, because I can accomplish a lot of things at once. I can work on my books while the laundry is running. When I need a break from my work, I can clean the apartment. And if I need a longer break, I can always stop and watch TV or read a book. This is one weekend when I might actually be productive, yet somehow still relaxed at the same time. Strange how that works.

On a random note, a few people who haven't served their sentence in Classics have asked what "Vivamus atque Amemus" means. Well, it comes from a Catullus poem and it is translated as "let us live and let us love." So there is your Latin lesson for the day.

Current mood: productive
Current drink: coffee
Current music: Dead Can Dance

Friday, January 12, 2007

Brrrrr....

Well, we're in the middle of another storm. Fortunately (so far), we're not having a blizzard or an unbelievable amount of snow. Instead, we've had a little bit of snow and what people like to call "freezing rain." I'm not sure which is worse. Needless to say it is [insert adjective of your choice] COLD! Temperatures dropped below zero last night, and when I was getting ready for work this morning, the temperature was around 0 and -1. The roads in the morning were icy at times, but for the most part they were surprisingly good. In spite of the decent drive to work, I was still gritting my teeth and muttering to myself, "why don't they have publishers in Southern California? Then I wouldn't have to go out in weather like this. I'm cold. My car is cold. The roads are icy. I don't like this..." grumble, grumble, grumble... The temperature is already starting to fall below zero right now, and if you consider the windchill, I think things are around -15. I checked the weather reports for Southern California, and right now the temperature there is around 50. When I was living in California, 40 or 50 always felt really cold to me. Now that I've been living in Colorado for about four years, 50 feels pretty nice.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Ouch! My Head!

I'm officially working/resting from home today. For the past few nights I've been having bouts of insomnia. I can go to bed at 10:30, but I usually end up tossing and turning until about 3:00 a.m. I don't know what is wrong with me. Sometimes I just can't turn off my brain when I get in bed. I'm usually thinking about what I have to do at work the next day, the things I should have done today, the groceries I need to shop for, and, oh, do I have a coupon for cereal. Then various songs get stuck in my head and I can't stop singing them. Since I wake up relatively early, I usually end up getting only about four hours of sleep a night. And when I don't sleep well, I start to get headaches that can border on migraines. I've been fighting some bad headaches for most of the week, but yesterday I got a whopper of a headache. It was one of those headaches where it feels like an alien baby is growing inside your head and kicking and punching at your brain. It also felt like this particular alien in my head was stabbing the back of my eyes with ice picks. I always keep medicine at the office for days like this and I happened to have "migraine strength" Excedrin. So I took two. I realized later, though, that you're really only supposed to take one. I also made the mistake of taking two pills long after I had lunch and before I had dinner. So I had an empty stomach that started to churn about ten or fifteen minutes after I took the pills. Fortunately by that time it was already 4:30, so I left work early because I wasn't in the mood to faint or throw up on my nice office desk. I'm feeling a tad better today but not my best. My head still hurts a little, and let me tell you how fun it is to copyedit something when your eyeballs hurt! My guess is that I won't be doing that much work today. But the nice thing about "working" from home is the fact that I can always stop and lie down if I don't feel well.

Ouch...

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Conversations and Impressions

The other day at work I had my first "real" conversation with a co-worker. And by "real" conversation, I don't mean the generic chit-chat about "what did you do this weekend" or the work-related chat about "when is that book going to be ready." No, I actually had a real conversation about real things. I was talking with this co-worker about friendships, relationships, and just general outlooks on life. She's been in a not-so-good relationship for the past year and has finally broken out of it. Now she is at that point in her life when she is simply reevaluating her life and trying to rediscover who she is. We had a nice conversation about these things, but I was mostly shocked to hear her general impression of me.

She said that while reevaluating her life and as she looks at some of her relationships and friendships, she often thinks of me for measurement or comparison. I really don't think I make the best barometer for the ideal human being, but if it works for her. She said that I am a decent friend, because I am always there but I am never forceful or intrusive. I simply listen and take everything in and offer advice when I think it is appropriate.

She also said that I seem very mellow and very grounded, and that I seem to go with the flow and roll with the punches. Really? I guess some people who know me better might say that I'm actually pretty serious and really intense. But I suppose that there is a side of me that knows when to let go and knows when to pick and choose my battles. She asked me how I got to the point where I can be mellow and grounded and how I can just go with the flow. I thought about it for a moment, then it occurred to me that the death of a close friend was what really made change my attitude and my outlook on life. I forced myself to see things in a different light. I learned to evaluate what was important and what wasn't. I learned what was worth fighting for and I learned when to let go. The stresses of work, problematic books, uncooperative authors, friendships that are less than mutual, the person who cut me off in traffic, problems with money, etc.--none of these things really matter in the grand scheme of things. Some of these things I can happily live without and I can deal with the other things. Ultimately the only things that really matter to me are my family and my close friends, and when I say my close friends, I mean my close friends, not my superficial and casual friends. My family and my friends are the most important things to me. Everything else is material and nothing else really matters. I have my family, my friends, my thoughts, my feelings, and my ability to write. I really don't need that much else.

Current mood: Pensive
Current music: Loreena McKennitt, An Ancient Muse
Current drink: Peach Martini (a very strong peach martini, oy!)

Saturday, January 06, 2007

More Snow, Resolutions, My Identity

More Snow: We got more snow on Thursday night. This storm wasn't as bad as the last two blizzards, but it was bad enough to close our office for the day. Having this extra day off was nice. It is sad when you take a ten day vacation, come back to work on a four-day work week, but still jump for joy when you get a snow day at the end. I worked only three days last week, but I was so thankful to have Friday off. The sad thing about vacations is that just because you take time off, that doesn't mean that any problems went away while you were gone. Instead you often come back to the same mess but have less time to clean it up. Such is life. Or such is my life at work.

Resolutions: Fortunately I was able to go grocery shopping before the storm hit, so I was able to stock up just in case it turned out to be worse than they predicted. In my continual quest to save money, I actually took some time to plan my trip to the grocery store. In the past I had the bad habit of wandering aimlessly through the store and grabbing anything that looked appealing to me at the time. Of course, this results in a lot of impulse buys of things that I really don't need. This time I looked at the little grocery store newspapers I get in the mail, I looked for all of the deals and sales, I wrote up a list, and I gathered together my coupons. I went to the store armed and ready. I stuck to my list with the exception of a few extraneous purchases, but considering these purchases were fruits, veggies, and nuts, I don't consider them to be bad extras. At the end of the shopping trip, with in-store deals and coupons, I managed to save about $17.50 or 33% of the grand total! Yay for me! And I also managed to get a lot of healthy food. Double yay for me!!

My Identity: Today I received a letter in the mail from the College of Arts and Sciences at CU Boulder. At first I thought they would be asking me to donate money or something like that. I was even more annoyed to read "I am writing to inform you that security of a server containing student records within the Academic Advising Center on the CU Boulder campus was compromised by a hacker." Great! Earlier this year I received a letter from the state of Colorado telling me that someone stole a computer from a government office that might contain private information from anyone who started a new job in certain months of 2006. Of course, I started a new job in May 2006. So here are two opportunities for people to steal my identity. I honestly don't know how this happens. For one, how can someone walk into a government office and walk out with a computer without someone else asking a few questions? And how can someone still hack into a computer system in spite of all of the "security features" in place? Multi-billion dollar software companies make buckets of money selling software that is supposed to be secure and supposed to protect privacy. Software engineers and computer geeks are paid huge salaries (much, much more than the salary I make) to write and code this software, yet this software can still be breached. These cases only force us (the royal "us," the often poorer us) to spend another hundred or thousands of dollars to "upgrade" security systems. Sometimes technology just sucks. Too many things are "compromised." Why do they even use the word "compromised?" Is that supposed to make us feel better or less threatened? Idiots!


Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Crack Part II

I really want a Famous Star cheeseburger from Carl's Jr. right now!

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Crack and Bad Roads

Crack
We all have our own versions of crack, those little addictions and vices that take control of our lives and send us into a mind-numbing, body-shaking withdrawal if we don't get our fix. I have two big new year's resolutions this year, to eat healthier and to save money. In the past I haven't always been good about eating leftovers. Usually, I eat things for two days, get sick of it, and throw away the rest. This is bad because you throw away good food and essentially you throw away money, too. So I was good, and for the past four days (yes four, I'm just one person here), I was able to take full advantage of a good pot of chili. And, it was even on the healthy side because I added some extra tomatoes and black beans. Normally, I'm not a big fan of tomatoes and I'm picky about the types of beans I like. So, save money and eat healthy accomplished for four days. Yay! I also happened to catch Super Size Me on TV the other night, and that movie will turn anyone away from fast food. So, I was feeling resolved--eat healthy, eat leftovers and save money, and don't eat fast food! But then the crack affect starts to set in. Why? Why? Why do I have a near unbearable craving for a sausage and egg McMuffin? Ooo, and one that's still so hot it melts the cheese. And those hashbrowns... I'm comforted by the fact that it is past 10:30 a.m., and there is no way I can possibly have a sausage and egg McMuffin now, fortunately. Maybe I have PMS. But why do we crave things we know we shouldn't have? My mind says "no," but my body says "yes."

Then comes addiction number two. Checking e-mail is sometimes a bad thing if you know that you often get e-mail newsletters from certain people. I checked my email this morning to find a message reading, "Save up to 50% on select clothing at Victoria's Secret." And if that's not enough for you, how about free shipping on orders over $100. ARGHHHH!!! How evil is that? They know that most people make a New Year's resolution to save money, they know that people are trying to recover from Christmas shopping debt, yet they peddle these offers and dangle them in front of helpless and weak souls. I'm happy to say that I deleted the e-mail immediately. No clicking on any links to see the available offers, I just deleted it.

JUST SAY NO!

Bad Roads
Some of the roads here are still pretty bad after the blizzard. The main roads are fine with the exception of certain lanes being slightly narrow because of piles of snowdrifts along the side of the road. Some of the side streets are still horrible. When roads aren't plowed, the snow just gets packed down solid by cars that have no choice to drive over it. Parts of the snow melts in patches during the day, then things freeze during the night. More cars drive over things the next day, ice turns to slush, things get packed down, things freeze again, then things melt again. What you're left with is a "road" where parts are still covered with three or four inches of snow right next to patches where the road is exposed. And in places you'll also find the occasional pothole. When you drive it, you're driving on a very lumpy and bumpy road. At one point your tires could be climbing a little mound of snow only to fall suddenly into an open patch on the road. It almost feels like you are trying to drive across a road of boulders. Sitting in the driver's seat feels more like you're sitting in a boat that is being rocked back and forth. Add to the mix the fact that you're still driving on ice at times and still find yourself slipping. This is annoying, but I cringe every time I drive over roads like this. I'm not afraid of the ice or afraid of sliding, I'm afraid what the road is doing to my car. Creeping over a pile of snow and falling into a pothole can't be good for the tires or the alignment. As I drive over these streets, all I can do is grit my teeth and mutter "this would never happen in Irvine."

Monday, January 01, 2007

My Kind of Resolution

Check out this Foxtrot cartoon. This is my kind of New Year's Resolution. Although, I'm sure a lot of people already feel this way about me and my "genius" ways. Yes, I am an elitist!

Happy New Year!

It is officially the new year. Here is to hoping that this year is wonderful and even better than the last. Happy New Year to my family and all of my wonderful friends! I love all of you!