Basic Beliefs

Here are some of my basic beliefs. Now, I must emphasize that they are my basic beliefs. They might not apply to the greater world out there, but these are the things I hold true to and these are the things that apply to my life.

I do believe in true love
I do believe in love at first sight
I do believe in soul mates
I do believe people can be in love with many people at one time

There is no such thing as "just sex"

There is a huge difference between having a crush and being in love

More "beliefs" to come later, and I'll expand on all of these in future blogs...

Words of the Muse

I've been asked to keep posting more of my poetry, so that is something I will continue to do.

My poetry is something that has always been very private. In the past I have only allowed good friends or lovers to read my poetry. The reason for this is probably the "issue" I have been working on for the past few years--my fear of "letting people in" to my life and my emotions and my fear of letting them see my fragile and sensitive side. I want to share more, because I suppose I want people to understand who I am. I guess I want them to know what I am thinking or what I am feeling. I'm still afraid of communication sometimes, so poetry is safe.

What is the subject of my poetry? Well, it is nothing deep or profound. It certainly isn't the esoteric, thoughtful poetry that will change the world or even anyone's life. It is personal in the sense that it is about my life. When I write my poetry, I usually have something in mind--an event, a person. More often than not, it is about a person in my life. Love and longing, passion and desire, happiness and sadness, these are the general themes.

I hope you'll enjoy what you read. And maybe, just maybe, one of these poems is about you...

Multiple Personality

When I talk about multiple personalities, I'm not talking about the clinical diagnosis of multiple personality disorder. That is a real problem for some people, and I don't know enough to comment on that. I'm talking about the multiple personalities that we all have--the different sides of ourselves that we show to different people.

So what are my multiple personalities? Well, I often start out quiet and shy, but I soon warm up and "open" up. Then you'll see different sides of me. What most people see is my more "extroverted" side. The side that tries to be funny and tries to crack jokes. I'm often dry and deadpanned, witty and wry, sarcastic and ironic. This keeps people laughing, and that is what I like.

So, is all of that a front or a protective wall? Sometimes I think so, other times I just think it is another aspect of my personality. What is the other side of me? Well, I can still be quiet and shy. I am an introvert by nature. I'm cautious and guarded. Sometimes I am cold and distant. I have issues with trust. And I'm paranoid that most people, especially my friends, do not trust me. I don't often "let people in" for fear people will see my weaknesses--I'm often fragile, frequently sensitive, and always emotional.

I'm strong and fragile, confident and insecure, bold and scared, hot and cold, close and distant, obsessive and apathetic.

Put simply, I guess I'm a mess.

I read a lot of blogs and see people spit out the philosophical cliche that they are "an enigma wrapped up in a mystery." I don't think I could describe myself on such terms. I wouldn't know what words to use and I don't have a thesaurus handy. What am I? Someone complex--probably also a philosophical or psychological cliche.

I expect most of the people who know me are somewhat puzzled by me and feel that they haven't got me quite figured out. I can only think of one person who can come close to figuring me out, and I'm also certain that 95% of the time she wants to strangle me. I can accept that from her.

I suppose that is why I write blogs and poetry. I'm often guarded by nature, but I am much more open with a pen in my hand or with my fingers at a keyboard. There is security and safety in opening up through this medium--probably another issue I need to work on, communication! I write these things so that maybe people can see the "real" me. But, then again, who is the real me? Or is the real me all of the mes combined into one crazy person? I certainly don't know.

Colorado Storms

Spring thunder
Long, low, rolling
Breaks the silence of the evening
Shaking the earth below
Sunset and gray skies
Clouds rising over the mountains
Flatirons rest in shadows
We stand together
Bare feet in the green grass
Feeling the wind
Rain begins to fall
Gentle and cool
And we dance
And we kiss
Showers wash over us
Tangling hair
Streaming down cheeks
Sweetening lips
The rumble of thunder
Long and low
Eyes open
Mysteries unlocked

A New Blog

Here I am, creating a new blog. Like half of the world, I also have a blog on MySpace. I enjoy that blog and will probably continue to post things there. I decided to create a new blog to open my little world to more of my friends. Sure, anyone can browse profiles on MySpace, but you often have to be a member to send messages or to add comments. Many people I know aren't quite ready to take the step to become members. So this is a place for them.

So will this blog be that much different from my MySpace blog? I'm not quite sure yet. I had the passing thought that maybe I could be more serious and more thoughtful in this one, and leave the MySpace blog for my rantings and ramblings. Who knows? I certainly never do.