Missing Carla Roberts

Those of you who have read my MySpace blog know that many of us recently lost a very good friend, Carla Roberts. Most of us met Carla at our former workplace, and for many years she was fighting a battle against cancer. As sick as she was and as bad as she probably felt, Carla always had the most optimistic and most positive perspective on things. Knowing her ultimate fate, Carla appreciated every moment of her life, something the rest of us often take for granted.

Carla passed away in March, and earlier this week her husband went to collect her belongings from her old office--my old office, too, since I quit. Her husband brought along a little book that Carla really wanted me to have. Since I was no longer there, he gave it to my former manager, and fortunately someone else in the office was able to bring this little book to me.

Carla and I worked closely together, and I have always considered her a good friend. I admired her strength and courage, and in light of what she was going through I often felt guilty about how much I complained about the most petty and insignificant things. I am extremely touched that there was something that she wanted to give to me. The book is called Writing Down the Bones: Freeing the Writer Within. I have always loved to write but have always considered myself an armchair writer. I'm not even sure if I ever told Carla that I liked to write, and I wonder why she wanted me to have this particular book. Maybe someone else said something about me or maybe she just intuitively knew something about me.

It is nice to now own something that belonged to her. She marked it up with highlighter and wrote in it occasionally. It feels strange to see her handwriting again. When I flipped through the book the first highlighted passage that caught my eye read, "trust in love and it will take you where you need to go. I want to add. Trust in what you love, continue to do it, and it will take you where you need to go." Even though this is a book to help a writer get in touch with his or her inner voice, it is almost a manual on how to live your life and how to see the world around you. It seems to give you a different perspective on life and it seems to give you an awareness of everything that is going on around you. I can see how Carla, knowing how her time was limited, could appreciate a book like this.
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I am trying to write this blog to express my feelings about Carla, but right now I am having a difficult time giving her her due justice. I am at a loss for words right now. I wish I wasn't sitting alone here in this apartment, and I wish any of you were here with me. The emotion would speak for itself. And it's hard to be alone when I'm feeling this way.

Carla was an absolutely beautiful woman, and she was beautiful in every possible way. I miss her tremendously. I miss her sense of humor and I miss the way she made all of us laugh. Mostly I miss the way she helped me to appreciate life. This Saturday, June 10, would have been her 43rd birthday, and maybe that is what makes all of this so difficult. I simply miss her.