I've just come home from a night on the town. Yes, it's only 11:00 right now, but I am getting older, and 11:00 is past my bedtime. My pal, Laura, and I started the night at dinner at a Mexican restaurant and ended with dessert at the Cheesecake Factory. The dessert ended fairly early, but we lingered on the patio and watched the people walk by. It's fun to watch people and it's fun to create life stories for each person that passes by. Pearl Street in Boulder gives you an interesting mix of people. You have the true Boulder people who are those mountain, earthy people. Then you have the Californian transplants who are still a little yuppie, but who are trying hard to be hippie Boulder people. I'm one of those Californian transplants, but I'm neither yuppie nor hippie. I'm just Me.
This week has also been a great week because my best friend Julie is in town. Julie and I met in California and suffered together in several bad Latin classes. Not long after I moved to Colorado, she moved to Texas, but fortunately her family also moved to Colorado so we see each other every once in a while. She's my best friend and I call her my big sister, and she has seen every side of me both good and bad. When we were having lunch the other day we were both talking about how much we have changed and grown over the years that we've known each other. Naturally we both still have our issues and we're both still learning things, but we've also truly grown over the years.
To turn the spotlight on me, I think that I have changed a lot over the past few years. Since moving to Colorado, I think I have grown up a lot. But what is most important is that I have grown a lot more comfortable in my own skin. About five or six years ago, I had that laid back, casual, "whatever" attitude and never really cared about anything one way or another. To use a lame cliche, I was that random leaf blowing about in the wind.
Things suddenly changed, and this change was good. In fact, it was great. I'm not quite sure what brought it about. Maybe it was because I was suddenly living alone in my own apartment. Maybe I was becoming more independent. Maybe it was because I was in school with some people who were somewhat sheltered, somewhat ignorant, and certainly not exposed to real diversity other than what they saw on "reality" TV. People who know me know that I'm not your typical, "normal," or average girl. I don't have a "normal" or typical background and lifestyle. Being the odd ball and the "different" one in a graduate department of young, white kids predominately from the midwest forced me to own up to my differences. Naturally, this isn't something I was ignorant of in the past, but when you live in California where there is so much diversity, being different isn't all that different. Other people who may have been in this same situation of being the "freak" or the "different one" might have withdrawn or adapted to the surroundings. I, on the other hand, started to grow into it, and, like I said, I started to really own it. Although owning who I am made a lot of people really uncomfortable, it just made me even more confident and comfortable with myself.
I'm at that stage in my life when I have really become who I really am. If you don't like it, it really doesn't matter to me. If you do like it, I appreciate you. This is me, this is who I am. I am very confident and I am very proud. I know I'm very smart, I'm sometimes serious and sometimes carefree, I'm not dropdead gorgeous but I'm beautiful in my own unique way, I'm sexy in my own way, I can be charming and mysterious at the same time, I'm sweet and sensitive, I'm tender and caring, and love is the most important thing to me. All of this might sound egotistical and narcissistic. If those are synonyms to confidence, then so be it. This is me. Take me or leave me. There is a lot worse out there. There is also a lot better. But, put simply, I am who I am. And I like to think that I'm not half bad.
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