The other day at work I had my first "real" conversation with a co-worker. And by "real" conversation, I don't mean the generic chit-chat about "what did you do this weekend" or the work-related chat about "when is that book going to be ready." No, I actually had a real conversation about real things. I was talking with this co-worker about friendships, relationships, and just general outlooks on life. She's been in a not-so-good relationship for the past year and has finally broken out of it. Now she is at that point in her life when she is simply reevaluating her life and trying to rediscover who she is. We had a nice conversation about these things, but I was mostly shocked to hear her general impression of me.
She said that while reevaluating her life and as she looks at some of her relationships and friendships, she often thinks of me for measurement or comparison. I really don't think I make the best barometer for the ideal human being, but if it works for her. She said that I am a decent friend, because I am always there but I am never forceful or intrusive. I simply listen and take everything in and offer advice when I think it is appropriate.
She also said that I seem very mellow and very grounded, and that I seem to go with the flow and roll with the punches. Really? I guess some people who know me better might say that I'm actually pretty serious and really intense. But I suppose that there is a side of me that knows when to let go and knows when to pick and choose my battles. She asked me how I got to the point where I can be mellow and grounded and how I can just go with the flow. I thought about it for a moment, then it occurred to me that the death of a close friend was what really made change my attitude and my outlook on life. I forced myself to see things in a different light. I learned to evaluate what was important and what wasn't. I learned what was worth fighting for and I learned when to let go. The stresses of work, problematic books, uncooperative authors, friendships that are less than mutual, the person who cut me off in traffic, problems with money, etc.--none of these things really matter in the grand scheme of things. Some of these things I can happily live without and I can deal with the other things. Ultimately the only things that really matter to me are my family and my close friends, and when I say my close friends, I mean my close friends, not my superficial and casual friends. My family and my friends are the most important things to me. Everything else is material and nothing else really matters. I have my family, my friends, my thoughts, my feelings, and my ability to write. I really don't need that much else.
Current mood: Pensive
Current music: Loreena McKennitt, An Ancient Muse
Current drink: Peach Martini (a very strong peach martini, oy!)
No comments:
Post a Comment